Friday, April 5, 2013

New Zealand Vs Pakistan : Davis Cup


New Zealand won't just have Pakistan to deal with in their Davis Cup tie that starts in Myanmar tonight, they'll also have to deal with an appalling court surface that's far below acceptable quality.

This second round Asia Oceania Group 2 tie was supposed to be held in Pakistan, but because of security concerns the International Tennis Federation gave Pakistan the option of moving the tie to a neutral country or allowing New Zealand to host it.

The Pakistan Tennis Federation wanted to play the tie on grass, believing their players had an advantage, so they settled on taking it to the Pun Hlaing Golf & Country Club in Yangon, a venue that has a few tennis courts to keep its rich members happy.

While it's all well and good for the club's midweek ladies to have a wobble around on a Wednesday afternoon, New Zealand Davis Cup captain Alistair Hunt says it will make it tougher to win a tie that the Kiwis should take comfortably.

I as usual have an on the ground reporter Tennis Correspondent Mr Iquibal Was-it In who sends this from the tie.

"Thank you Mr Eye for giving me the chance to report and I have asked only the people in the know who they think will win the tie. I called the CEO of New Zealand Tennis Mr Stan Walker and he said go fly a kite as he had no time to comment as he was busy with the X factor! He said he knows nothing! Thank you Mr Stan Walker!I tried to get a answer from Mr Hunt the Davis Cup Captain and he was too busy on the mobile phone!!Davis Cup Coach Marcel Marceau gave no speech and just replied with his middle finger.I took it that he thought Pakistan would win 1 match.I dont think so Mr Marcel ,I wanted the Pakistan Opinion so I asked the groundsman Was-he-a-dick and I said NZ said the court was not very good! He said that all players have arms and legs ..its the same bounce for everyone.I wanted to be fair so I arranged for some New Zealand sheep to keep the grass in control.I did not know what this meant but then I saw Marcus Daniel and Dan king Turner practising with Mr Sitak carrying some water for the players.I called out 'how you going boys"where's your number 1 player Mr Statham and they told me to go "ride a bike"it was not bike they really said but I cannot say Mr eye what they truley said but i know one was to ask Mr Stan Walker where Mr Statham was. Mr Aisamul Haq Qureshi said no comment he would let his raquet do the talking.Mr Khan said he is the weakest Pakistani player but would do his best for his country. Well Mr Eye I hope all is well and their are lots of positives happening in your country , I have been impressed with the Cricket Team! ---MR IQUIBAL WAS-IT-IN

Just received a text from  Iquibal " Mr Eye! News and its all bad for New Zealand
A. Khan defeated A.Sitak(nz) 7/5 3/6 6/2 7/5


  1. Hullo my name is Marcel I am being kept prisoner in a small room at NZ Tennis, please send help............

    1. Ill send you a prisoner name Tyron

  2. Hi Steve, 'who the hell is A. Khan a Parkistan cab driver who turned up at the Club for a game?"

  3. Didn't statham beat khan 61 60 60 and Qureshi 62 63 61 last time we played Pakistan?!